The Dog Ate My Wallet

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Jobs High Schoolers Have Never Heard Of: Research Administrators

It is time, once again, to talk about a job high school students have never heard of. This time, we are looking at research administrators. High school students have all heard about actual researchers. They have lab accidents that turn them into superheroes, work with nanotechnology, invent invisibility cloaks, and try to solve the problems of faster than light travel, curing cancer, or finding secret messages in DaVinci’s works of art. (Some of these things may or may not happen outside the world of fiction.)

But what about research administrators? Fiction and even articles in scientific journals rarely mention the people who make sure the researcher is able to do his job without running afoul of laws and regulations. They help researchers submit request for funding, monitor the budgets, make sure rent is paid on the lab space, and often interface with the outside world on behalf of the researchers.

My new position puts me in place to work with these research administrators- so much so, in fact, that my university is sending me to the National Council of University Research Administrators conference in Washington, DC, next month. In fact, I think an argument may even be able to be made that I am now a research administrator myself.

So what do you need to do this job? You will need a college degree. An MBA becomes common at the higher levels (department directors), but is not really a requirement. Mostly what you need are people and organizational skills.

The researchers you work with are going to be focused on their research. Some of them will be easy to work with; others will not. You will need to be confident in yourself and your abilities, and willing to adapt your style to what works best with each individual. And you will not be working (most likely) with just one researcher, you will be working with many of them. And each researcher may be working on multiple different projects, which, if funded by grants, will all have their own budgets that need to be kept straight.

And while you may be working with scientists, you do not need a STEM degree yourself. Some background in financial management (or at least the ability to understand budgets) is helpful, but anyone with good people and organizational skills can do the job.

The job pays pretty well, too. You would likely start as a specialist in pre-award or post-award administration, paying around $50k. But by the time you make it to director of a department (at least at a large university) you are looking in the six figure range.

Administration jobs are never the sexy, headline making positions. But if you want to be close to research without having the desire to be the one in the lab yourself, if you want a university job that pays well but you’re not a professor, and if you are good at working with people, even sometimes difficult people, this is something you might want to consider.

Date: 16/07/2013 Author: Erin Shanendoah Category: On the Job Bookmark: Permalink

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Sunday Evening Post #103

I just got back from Frys, where I made a last minute run (as in they announced the store was closing in 10 minutes 2 minutes after we walked in) to but a Surface RT. Microsoft lowered the price to $350 as of today, and since we’d been looking at tablets for a while, and I’m about to start doing some traveling for work, well, I bit the bullet and bought one. It is charging as I speak.

Blogging

The purpose of these two goals is, yes, to grow my blogs, but also to support and highlight blogs and bloggers I enjoy. Just like I will be posting 2 new to me blogs every week in my round ups, the point here is to draw attention to blogs that others might not be familiar with. (Blog swaps will not count toward either of these goals.)

Write one guest post per month.

January- yes

February- yes

March- no

April- no

May- no

June – yes.

Publish one guest post per month.

January- yes

February- no

March- no

April- no

May- no

June – yes.

Need to get a guest post written and find someone to write a guest post here or over at Life by Pets. Anyone looking for guest posts/want to write a guest post?

Writing

Writing fiction is my side hustle, though I have yet to make any money from it. I’ve found that I devote much more time to the blogs than I do my fiction, though, because I am on a schedule. I feel accountable to my readers to get posts up when I say I will. And because I am a procrastinator, deadlines are a must for me. I get the energy I need to work on something from an impending deadline.

I am hoping to transfer the power of those two things- accountability and deadlines, to my fiction this year.

Submit at least one piece to a paying venue per month.

December: Yes (rejected)

January: Yes (rejected)

February: Yes x4 (2 rejections)

March: No

April: Yes (rejected)

May: No

June: No

Complete the first draft of my novella and start edits.

I am hoping I’ll be able to make myself get some writing done while I’m traveling for work.

Finances

A lot of financial goals will actually end up as floating goals- ie they will be things I expect to complete well before the year is out. But I do have some long term financial goals that I think will work for year-long tracking.

Create and track a practice stock portfolio. July is going quickly, but will try and get this up soon.

End the year “on budget” in the categories I’m tracking.

July Numbers

Category	On Budget
Category	Month	Year
Groceries	No	No
House	No	No
Eating Out	No	No
Allowance – E	No	No
Allowance – C	No	No

I’ve been really bad about doing the numbers lately. I need to make myself sit down and do that sometime soon, but after my 12 hours out of the house on weekdays, I don’t really want to look at a spreadsheet, and weekends have been busy, too, so I haven’t been as productive as perhaps I could be.

Floating Goals

Fix the plumbing issues. Once the windows are taken care of, this is my next priority. Need to get C to call around on this sometime soon.

Sell the Condo. Need to get in touch with our renter and find out if she’s contacted the realtor yet to come in and look at the interior of the condo. We want to get it on the market late this month or early next, and hopefully have it sold very shortly after she moves out in September.

Get an Exterminator. Still have ants. Mostly in the bathroom.

Publish new photography/flash fiction book. No progress being made. It’s pitiful, really.

Refinance the house. DONE.

Earn my Certified Supply Chain Professional designation. DONE.

Rebuild savings to $5-10k. DONE. (I do love seeing the savings balance grow.)

Replace all the windows in the house. DONE. (And rebate has been submitted.)

Find a new job. DONE.

Date: 14/07/2013 Author: Erin Shanendoah Category: Sunday Evening Post Bookmark: Permalink

Article

The Importance of Connecting

When I was going through the hiring process for my current position, we hit a little snafu with the references. You see, my former company, in its decision to do three rounds of layoffs (I went in the second round- the management round), also decided to really push the organizational policy of “don’t provide references”. Managers were told not to provide references and to refer anyone who asked to HR, which would only give them dates of employment type information.

This had kind of been the company’s policy all along, but it had been softening in the last few years, especially as the company itself went to a very intensive background and reference check format. Managers had been being told that they should respond to reference checks as personal references, not on company time. But with the layoffs, they apparently decided that no, managers should not give references at all.

Now, I had been with that company for 8 years and had quite a bit of career growth there. With the exception of my former executive director (who had been let go in the first round of layoffs- the budget round), all of my references worked for my former company. And so when the new organization wanted to hire me, they were having trouble getting references.

I ended up being doubly lucky. First, I was lucky enough that the new place was interested enough in me (they did hire me, after all) to contact me and let me know about the issue, giving me a chance to provide them with additional references and contact information.

Second, I was lucky that I had been paying attention to my career coach and all of my friends when it came to building a network. I had made the decision to connect on LinkedIn with one of the other executive directors I used to have dealings with. I never worked for her, directly or indirectly, but as the support person for another executive director, had a number of dealings with her during my time at my old job. I had not, originally, been going to connect with her, partly because she was one of the people at that organization that I knew I never wanted to work for. Her management style and my working style did not mesh, and I knew it. When I was applying for jobs at my company after getting my MBA, I never applied for one that reported to her- never.

But I decided to connect with her anyway, partly because while she had not been laid off during the official rounds, she had been reorganized out of a position at our former company, too. I have to say, it was one of the best decisions I have made. When she accepted my connection (over a month before the reference issue, I should add), she sent me a note asking how I was doing. Later, she heard of a position she thought might be a good fit and contacted me to see if I was interested and wanted her to put in a word with the hiring manager. (I was not, as it was a project management role and I was focusing on operations, but I was surprised and appreciative that she asked.)

When I suddenly needed an additional reference, I was able to ask her, and she agreed. She even asked what aspects I wanted her to emphasize. (My ability to work across departments and build relationships. It is an absolute necessity for my new position, and I figured how much stronger a reference could I get for that than someone who I only worked with cross-departmentally.) She was actually on vacation in Hawaii when I contacted her, but she responded and even gave me a good time they could contact her (while she was at the airport waiting for her flight home). And then she followed up with me after the reference check was completed.

I am not certain that it would be an exaggeration to say that without having connected to her on LinkedIn, I would not have my new job.

I still don’t think I would want to work for her, but I am very glad to have worked with her, and even happier that we will be maintaining some sort of relationship, even if it is only through the computer.

Date: 11/07/2013 Author: Erin Shanendoah Category: Lessons Learned, Networking, On the Job Bookmark: Permalink

Article

I Want to Be a Leader, Not a Boss

In my previous position, I had a direct report. She was an admin I inherited with the job. In my transition meeting with the person I was replacing, our discussion about the admin was basically “she’s been on a personal improvement plan, but the issue has mostly cleared up, so I’ll close that out before I leave.” That’s not exactly an auspicious start, and truth be told, it was not really an auspicious relationship.

Do not get me wrong, she was a nice enough person, but I never felt like we were working together. Instead, it mostly felt like me trying to minimize the damage she was causing and my expectations.

Maybe my expectations were too high. I had been hired into the company at the exact same position she was, and had had two promotions. When I was at the level she was, I was at the start of my career. She was at the end of hers. I saw the admin position as a stepping point, to make the connections I needed to do more. She saw it has the ending point, a position (per her stories- I have some doubts about their veracity) she stepped down to as she was preparing to retire.

But what it worked out to was that I spent my time having to be “the boss” and keeping her in check. (The worst of her conduct violations all occurred when I was out of the office.) It was not what I wanted, what I expected, or even a reflection of what my time as an admin had been. I hated being her boss, and when she left in the first round of layoffs, I was honestly relieved. I had to take on some additional work, but that was so much less stressful that managing her, that I was thankful for it.

Now we fast forward to my new position. I have a team (kind of, sort of)- three staff members who will be reporting to me about 50% of the time as we ramp up our new unit. In a few months, they should report to me full time.

Every interaction I have had with other people regarding my new staff has been positive. Everyone has great things to say about them- how good they are at their jobs, what a good team they are, etc. And I must say, that makes a huge difference.

Last Wednesday, I had my first chance to sit down with my team and just talk to them. We talked about ourselves, and our backgrounds- how I have no experience in the work they do, but was brought on due to other strengths. I talked about my management style (such as it is) and my communication style. I wanted to get to know them, and they were excited to get to know me and talk about the work we are going to be embarking on together.

It was, quite honestly, one of the best experiences I have ever had in a work environment, making it the complete opposite of every meeting I ever had with my last direct report. I left our little meeting feeling energized and excited about the people I am going to be working with. I left that meeting feeling like a leader, not a boss. And all I can think of is how lucky I am to have such a great team.

I cannot wait to see what we can do together. And how awesome is that?

Date: 09/07/2013 Author: Erin Shanendoah Category: On the Job Bookmark: Permalink

Article

Sunday Evening Post #102

First week of work went well. There are some IT frustrations, as apparently, when they send me an email saying I have a type of account, they don’t really mean it. They mean that they have put me in the system, but I won’t really have my account for another 24 hours. Basically, that translates to me having to use a temporary ID to log into the computer for my entire first week of work, and only having access to email via webmail. Hopefully on Monday I will be able to log in as me and get my outlook set up, and I can then have a calendar as well as email- which is kind of important as most of my job is going to be meeting with people and being the face of this brand new department.

Is it silly to say one of the best things about my new job is the commute? I am out of the house for 12 hours/day, which is not ideal, but since I’m taking the train and bus, it means I actually have time to read- you know, books, for fun.

Blogging

Write one guest post per month.

January- yes

February- yes

March- no

April- no

May- no

June – yes.

Publish one guest post per month.

January- yes

February- no

March- no

April- no

May- no

June – yes.

Need to get a guest post written and find someone to write a guest post here or over at Life by Pets. Anyone looking for guest posts/want to write a guest post?

Writing

I am hoping to transfer the power of those two things- accountability and deadlines, to my fiction this year.

Submit at least one piece to a paying venue per month.

December: Yes (rejected)

January: Yes (rejected)

February: Yes x4 (2 rejections)

March: No

April: Yes (rejected)

May: No

June: No

Complete the first draft of my novella and start edits.

I got a great fight scene written over the last two weeks, but that’s really less than 2,000 words. If only I thought I could actually get some writing done on my commute.

Finances

Create and track a practice stock portfolio. June post went up two weeks ago.

End the year “on budget” in the categories I’m tracking.

July Numbers

Category	On Budget
Category	Month	Year
Groceries	No	No
House	No	No
Eating Out	No	No
Allowance – E	No	No
Allowance – C	No	No

I made two big credit card payments on Friday, so we’re already not in budget, or at least I think we’re already over budget. I haven’t actually sat down and run the numbers. I should find time to do that this week, I hope.

Floating Goals

Fix the plumbing issues. Once the windows are taken care of, this is my next priority.

Get an Exterminator. Still have ants. Mostly in the bathroom.

Publish new photography/flash fiction book. No progress being made. It’s pitiful, really.

Refinance the house. DONE.

Earn my Certified Supply Chain Professional designation. DONE.

Rebuild savings to $5-10k. DONE.

Replace all the windows in the house. DONE (and today I submitted the paperwork for a rebate from our energy company)

Find a new job. DONE.

Date: 07/07/2013 Author: Erin Shanendoah Category: Sunday Evening Post Bookmark: Permalink

Article

Just Because They Sent It, Does NOT Mean You Have to Sign It, As Is

This is what dealing with insurance companies can feel like

We were recently in a car accident. We were in stop and go traffic. We stopped. The car behind us continued to go. That car was not going very fast, but fast enough that we all got a bit of whiplash and continuing back pain. Due to this, we were all seen by doctors, and C and I have referrals for massage.

First, the good news- it is standard practice in WA state for your automobile insurance to have a personal injury rider, and we have a great insurance agent who makes sure we are well taken care of. So we have a personal injury rider, to the tune of $35k. That’s not a lot if one of us ends up hospitalized, but for most things, it is more than adequate.

Also good news is that since we were not at fault (and we have witnesses to verify that fact), our insurance is not actually responsible for paying for these claims. The other party’s insurance is. However, because we have the PIP, our insurance pays for it as we go, and once all claims are in, they send the bill to the other insurance company and get reimbursed.

This makes it easier on us, because we can go to our providers and give them our insurance information, and be assured they will get paid in a reasonable time frame. There is no us paying and waiting for reimbursement, nor is there an extended period of time during which our massage therapists have to wait for payment.

So what is the bad news? It is the paperwork the other insurance company is asking us to sign.

In order to pay the claim, and to be assured that the treatment we are seeking is directly related to the accident, the insurance company needs medical records. They also ask for employment records in case there is time missed at work due to the accident. (We do not need to worry about that paperwork as C is a student, and I was not working at the time.)

The paperwork from our insurance company, Safeco, is straight forward and simple. It asks for a release of medical records directly related to the accident, and states that it will only be used in investigating and paying our personal injury claim. Simple, straight forward, inoffensive. We signed it and mailed it back.

The paperwork from the other insurance company (who I will not name, but will say is a major and well respected company) is complicated, full of legalese, and actually rather offensive, if you bother to read it and understand your rights.

This paperwork requests access to ALL of your medical records, past, present, and up to two years in the future, regardless of how they relate to the accident. It states that they may use those records to adjudicate the current claim, or in any way they wish in order to underwrite insurance. What does this mean?

Say you suffer from depression. Your depression was not a factor in the car accident (as the other person hit you), and you are not claiming your depression worsened or was in any way effected by the accident, so you also are not asking for the insurance company to pay for any treatment related to that. However, with the paperwork this second company sent us, they would still be entitled to your medical records about your depression, and in the future could then use that information, should you try to get insurance through them, to deny you or charge you higher rates, based on that depression.

And if that were not enough, the paperwork goes on to say that because they are not a health insurance company, they are not bound by HIPAA, and are therefore free to share your information with anyone they choose, for any reason they choose, and they do not have to inform you that they are sharing it, let along who they are sharing it with.

So you have now signed paperwork giving an entity full rights to your complete medical record, and that entity is not bound by any rules and regulations regarding your privacy or the sharing of that information. In other words, they can choose to make your private medical records as public as they wish. And this is with information that is not even related to the accident you were in or the treatment you are seeking because of that accident.

The kicker was then the statement at the end that if you do not sign this paperwork, you lose any right to compensation for your injuries.

C is a conspiracy guy, and a bit of a privacy freak. I read through this paperwork, and I did not like it. I knew he would refuse to sign it as was. But here is the good thing about understanding your rights. You have the right to request modifications to any contract. I read through the contract. I crossed out sections about them being allowed to use this information to underwrite insurance in the future, being allowed to share our medical history freely, or even that they have the right to our complete medical histories. I added in phrases such as “only as it relates to investigating and paying this claim”.

We signed our paperwork with the added note that it was only authorized with the changes made.

Now we get back to the good news. This is not my fight. If they choose to try not to pay because we made changes to the contract they sent us, I am not the one who has to fight it. Because I have personal injury protection through my auto insurance, Safeco is the one paying my claims. Safeco is who will be seeking reimbursement from this other insurance company. It is Safeco’s legal team they will be going up against if they try to deny payment because they sent us an unreasonable contract.

And again, I know it was unreasonable because Safeco also sent us a contract for getting our medical records in relation to paying this claim, and it did not have any of the gross privacy violations of the one sent by the other insurance company.

The “funny” part is, this other insurance company is one I had considered switching to. As I said, they are well known, well respected, and get great reviews on their customer service. And maybe they treat their actual customers better than they treat people who are not their customers. But I can guarantee you, they will never get our business now.

Still, the moral of this story is- you do not have to sign the contract that is placed in front of you. Even if there are threats on the contract such as “by not signing, you give up all rights to this and future claims”. An unreasonable contract is unreasonable. You have the right to make or ask for changes. Read what is in front of you. Understand your rights. Stand up for them. If you do not, no one else will.

And honestly, this is once again the best argument I can make for filing a claim through your insurance company and using your health insurance to cover medical treatment. Because then, you are not the one seeking reimbursement. It is not your money on the line, but the money paid out by your insurance. An insurance company knows that it can out-lawyer you. But when it has to face another insurance company (either auto or health), then it is facing someone with the same legal resources it has. And it creates a whole different story.

Date: 05/07/2013 Author: Erin Shanendoah Category: HealthCare, Insurance, Lessons Learned Bookmark: Permalink

Article

Work Perks- Not as Good Doesn’t Mean “Bad”

This is my first week on the new job. I am slowly adapting from having a 7-3:30 schedule with a 10 min each way commute to an 8-5 schedule with a 60-90 minute commute. It is not a supremely easy transition, especially considering I had about 8 weeks of not working at all in between.

Part of my new schedule it taking public transit. My commute could be slightly shorter if I drove, but it would also be more frustrating, and I’d actually have to drive. Instead, I’ve signed up for the bus pass through work.

The monthly bus/light rail pass, if I were to buy it on my own would be $189/month. That’s a lot of money. Last night while waiting for the train, I heard a young man mention that through his work, he was able to get the pass for $65/month, and how great a deal he thought that was. Believe it or not, it was a reminder I needed.

You see, with my current employer, I can get the pass for $132 every quarter – that’s $44/month. It is definitely a good deal, and a better deal than that young man was so excited to be getting from his company. But here’s the thing- with my last company, I got my pass for $35/year. That’s right, I used to pay, for the entire year, less than I am now paying per month, for the exact same bus pass.

With my last job, I didn’t use the pass that often, but at $35/year, it was a deal I just could not pass up. I am now going to be using the pass pretty much every work day, so it’s worth the $44/month (as a side note, a monthly parking pass would be $125, plus gas and wear on the car). But I was having a hard time thinking of this as a great benefit because of how little I used to pay.

But then I heard that young man, and I remembered- just because a perk isn’t as good as one you previously had doesn’t mean it’s not still a good perk.

Date: 03/07/2013 Author: Erin Shanendoah Category: On the Job Bookmark: Permalink

Article

Sunday Evening Post #101 (Coming to you on Monday Evening)

Today was my first day of work. I was so focused on being prepped for it, that I forgot to post last night.

Blogging

Write one guest post per month.

January- yes

February- yes

March- no

April- no

May- no

June – yes.

Publish one guest post per month.

January- yes

February- no

March- no

April- no

May- no

June – yes.

At least one thing is on track.

Writing

I am hoping to transfer the power of those two things- accountability and deadlines, to my fiction this year.

Submit at least one piece to a paying venue per month.

December: Yes (rejected)

January: Yes (rejected)

February: Yes x4 (2 rejections)

March: No

April: Yes (rejected)

May: No

June: No

Complete the first draft of my novella and start edits.

Got a great section written this weekend.

Finances

Create and track a practice stock portfolio. Post went up on Thursday.

End the year “on budget” in the categories I’m tracking.

Final June Numbers

Category	On Budget
Category	Month	Year
Groceries	No	No
House	No	No
Eating Out	No	No
Allowance – E	No	No
Allowance – C	No	No

Hopefully with me back working, it will soon feel like we’re a little less out of control – hopefully. (Though we aren’t actually out of control because other budget categories are so much less than budgeted for.)

Floating Goals

Fix the plumbing issues. Once the windows are taken care of, this is my next priority.

Sell the Condo. Our renters are getting divorced (sad), and moving out. The wife will be staying until her job transfers her to another state in September. We’re using the realtor that my mom worked with, and our goal is to get the condo listed in July, and just make a note that it can’t close until September when our renter moves out.

Get an Exterminator. Ants are back in full force.

Publish new photography/flash fiction book. One of my goals for my “down time” is to start working on this project. Sadly, my down time hasn’t been very down.

Refinance the house. DONE.

Earn my Certified Supply Chain Professional designation. DONE.

Rebuild savings to $5-10k. DONE. (Transferred a nice chunk this week to the high yield savings account. That felt really nice.)

Replace all the windows in the house. DONE. I have new windows. They are lovely, though already covered in doggie nose prints.

Find a new job. DONE. Started today.

Date: 01/07/2013 Author: Erin Shanendoah Category: Sunday Evening Post Bookmark: Permalink

Article

Stock Market Project – Month 6

Money this month went into Jack in the Box – mostly because they own Qdoba, which I like much better than Chipotle. I think next month, I’ll invest in Coke because I swear my family could keep them in business all by ourselves.

I have also settled on using the NASDAQ website for all of my stock looking up needs. It has all the stocks (not just the ones on their exchange) and is really easy to read and understand.

Here are the charts:

Stock	Shares	Buy Price	Buy Value	Transaction Cost	Current Price	Current Value	Sell Value	Profit/(Loss)
LNVGY	5	19.22	96.10	7.00	18.38	91.90		(11.20)
LNVGY	2	17.90	35.80	7.00	18.38	36.76		(6.04)
EA	9	13.77	123.93	7.00	22.21	199.89		68.96
BKS	9	13.40	120.60	7.00	15.84	142.56		14.96
ZIP	9	12.16	109.44	7.00	0.00	0.00	83.97	(32.47)
GLUU	25	2.29	57.25	7.00	2.26	56.50		(7.75)
AMZN	1	273.63	273.63	7.00	277.55	277.55		(3.08)
AMZN	1	264.12	264.12	7.00	277.55	277.55		6.43
SBUX	4	58.56	234.24	7.00	65.69	262.76		21.52
JACK	5	39.25	196.25	7.00	39.25	196.25		(7.00)

TOTAL			$ 1,511.36			$ 1,345.47		$ 51.33

Date: 27/06/2013 Author: Erin Shanendoah Category: Stock Market Project Bookmark: Permalink

Article

Wedding Gift Ideas

It’s June (well, the end of June) and the start of summer. That means wedding season is full upon us. That means registering for gifts for the happy couple and buying gifts for their friends and family. C and I will be celebrating our 10^th anniversary at the end of August, and I want to tell you what the best gifts we received were.

1) Chest freezer – we registered for this, and my grandparents got it for us. It is a small chest freezer, about the size of my washing machine. It is still going strong 10 years on, and has allowed us to buy in bulk and in general given us expanded freezer space. Also, due to its small size, it hasn’t added much to our electric bill.

2) Carpet steamer – we did not register for this, didn’t even think of it. But my dad and stepmom knew we had two dogs and new carpet, so this is what they got us. It has been one of the most useful and appreciated gifts ever. In fact, when the original one died 2-3 years ago, my mom bought us a new one because she knew how much we used it.

3) Clothes steamer – this may not technically be a wedding gift. We registered for one, but no one got one for us. However, C’s family sent us gift cards for Sears (where we were registered) and we used them to get the steamer. Let me state very clearly that I do NOT iron. With the steamer, that doesn’t matter. I used it just yesterday on some curtains, a skirt, a pair of work slacks, and one of SP’s dresses. In addition, it allows us to steam business suits, silk shirts, etc. (read dry clean only) in order to keep them fresh.

4) Silverware – this is a traditional wedding registry item, and our friends and family bought us the set we wanted. While we now have a mixed bag of silverware, we still have our complete registry set. Unlike the flatware (of which I have only a few plates and two bowls left), silverware stands the test of time. And as long as you pick out something that’s not too fancy, it won’t go out of style, either.

5) The Service – a very dear friend of ours got ordained in order to perform our wedding ceremony. He has since performed ceremonies for many friends, but we were the first. He helped us design a service that was perfect for us, reflecting our personalities and values. He did not charge us for the service, and put together a little booklet with our (untraditional) vows in it, so that we would always have it. Plus, when I look at our marriage license, all the names on it mean something special to us.

6) Photography – my brother was supposed to do our photography. His car blew up on the way to the airport and he missed the wedding. Our minister’s wife and my mother both stepped up at the last minute to take some amazing photographs. In addition, they both put together albums for us (so I have two wedding albums), both free of charge. These are great for the memories.

In addition, our minister’s wife will be going back with us to the site of our wedding (a public park) and taking pictures for us again on our 10^th anniversary. This time we’ll pay her, but it’s really nice to have that continuity.

7) A Housewife – my maid of honor arrived about a week before the wedding. C and I continued to work the whole week, while S cleaned our home, mowed our lawn twice (we were having the reception in our back yard), and generally took care of everything I did not want to think about. She also stayed for a few days after, taking care of our house and dogs and taking my MIL to the airport while we went away on our one night honeymoon the day after the wedding. In her cleaning up after the reception, she made sure to take a slice of our wedding cake and freeze it for us. We actually discovered it in our chest freezer about a month after our first anniversary, but we never would have had it if it weren’t for her.

Those were my best gifts. I am a practical girl, and it turns out, practical gifts that last and continue to be of use to us 10 years down the line are among the best gifts. The others are essentially the gifts of friendship, and those are truly the most precious gifts of all.

So brides and grooms- remember when you’re registering to look for the practical (as well as the affordable) and don’t be mad if people go a little off script.

And friends and family- remember that the gift of your time or special skill might be even better than anything on the registry. Honestly, offer a bride or groom yard work or housecleaning services around the time of the wedding, and see if they don’t jump on that.

Date: 26/06/2013 Author: Erin Shanendoah Category: Lessons Learned Bookmark: Permalink

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