I Am an Extrovert. I Hate Crowds.

Often it seems as if my social media feeds are overtaken by memes about introverts. As a somewhat rare extrovert among my friend group, I feel the need to share some information about extroverts.

Let us start with the plain and simple fact that all extroverts are not the same. Most of my friends are familiar with the Myers Briggs personality types. Most of the free MBTI tests just give you your personality results. For example, I am an ENFP – extrovert, intuitive, feeling, and perceiving. What those free tests do not show you, but the more complete tests do, is that you are on a scale, a continuum, so to speak, where you can be more on an extrovert or introvert than someone else with the exact same personality type.

Per the Myers-Briggs definition, introversion/extroversion is about where you get your energy from. Introverts may LOVE being around people, but it still drains them. They need alone time in order to recharge. Extroverts on the other hand, become energized while being around other people. I can tell you, based on that definition, that I am definitely an extrovert.

However, when I took the MBTI test, my extroversion result was low, really low, low enough, in fact, to be within the margin of error of being an introvert. This means that in some ways, despite being an extrovert, I am more like a lot of introverts than I am some extroverts.

If my result is within the margin of error, how can I be certain I am an extrovert, especially if, as the title of this posts states, I hate crowds? Crowds drain me of energy. I hate being in large groups. I am not comfortable in them at all, and, like many introverts, I often feel more alone in a crowd than I do in any other circumstance.

I hate crowds, but I love small groups. I have a writing group I meet with every couple of weeks. There is a small Lean Coffee group I meet with at work ever week. I leave both of those groups energized, refreshed, and filled with plans to conquer the world. Being around people most definitely gives me energy, but it has to be in a controlled situation, so to speak. I do not like groups bigger than roughly five people plus me. More than that, and we get into crowd territory for me. But a chance to sit and talk with one to five other people, to share ideas and stories, to be able to connect on that level, that is what recharges me.

And it does not have to be a group of people I am close to. My critique group is filled with people I love, people I can no longer imagine my life without, and our meetings are pretty close to my idea of heaven. But the work group I go to, where we do not always have the same group of people, still energizes me. I like the chance to get to know new people, to hear new points of view, and to learn from them. Just do not ask me to do it in a crowd.

So next time you are seeing one of those memes about how to care for an introvert or an extrovert, remember, we are not all the same. And some pieces of advice – like do not criticize an introvert in public – are just generally applicable to all people. I do not care how much of an extrovert a person is, do not take them to task in front of their friends, peers, or strangers. Always do that in private. And introvert or extrovert, you should respect everyone’s independence.

I am an extrovert.

I hate crowds.

I love an evening home alone, just me and the dogs, to read and not have to care for anyone.

I will not assume I know everything about how you like to interact with the world just by knowing you are an introvert. Please do not make assumptions you know how I like to interact with the world just because I am an extrovert.