I Hate Sleep Overs

There is nothing Pop Tart loves more than a sleep over.  I would say candy comes close, but if I were to give her the choice between having a sleep over and having candy, she would choose the sleep over every time. And while a sleep over at our house is good, the best thing ever is to sleep over at someone else’s house. To sleep over somewhere where they do not enforce a bed time, where they can watch scary movies and eat junk food all night. It is the 12 year old version of heaven.

I get that. I was the same way at 12. Staying up late gossiping with friends, talking about boys, doing hair, experimenting with make-up. I get it. I was there. I was once 12.

The problem is, I am no longer 12. I am 40. And Pop Tart, she’s only 2/3 12. The other 1/3 of her is 6-8 years old. And on the day after a sleep over, she is 100% crabby 3 year old, the whole day.

So while Pop Tart loves sleep overs. I hate them. I hate them so much.

Sleep overs at our house are not that bad, because we still enforce a bedtime. We monitor what they watch, and there’s no late night junk food. We are the least fun house ever. But, the next day, I have a mostly functional child. She may give attitude and be a bit grumpy, but she is able to converse. She is able to do what she needs to be doing. She can function.

If she spends the night at a friend’s house, the next day, I have a yelling, screaming lump. She is not even really a person. You try to talk to her and you get “stop talking”. Suggest she take a nap (because the child does not function on less than 9 hours sleep, and 10-12 is actually her happy zone), and you get her yelling at you that she is not tired, that she does not need a nap. Even when you explain it is not a punishment. In fact, explaining it is not a punishment is likely to lead to a meltdown where she just cries and screams for the rest of the day – or until she falls asleep.

I understand the importance of sleepovers, of pushing the limits, even of watching scary movies with friends. And with a normal 12 year old, I might even be supportive. But I do not have a normal 12 year old. I have a 12 year old with emotional delays, and not enough sleep turns her into a grouchy toddler.

And even so, I might be able to get behind an occasional sleep over. The problem is, Pop Tart wants one EVERY weekend. (We do not allow them every weekend, but trust me, she asks.) And this year, with her homework level, we do not have weeknights to do stuff as a family. Week nights are fights about homework and trumpet practice. We eat dinner as a family, but that is about the only family time we get on week nights.

That means that weekends are when we have the chance to do family stuff. Some of it is the boring stuff, like shopping (including shopping for her clothes), but some of it is fun stuff. Or could be fun stuff. If I had a functional child.

And I think that is what bothers me the most about sleep overs. I get so little time with my child for us to be a family, and sleep overs steal over half the weekend from me. They take late afternoon/evening of the night of the sleep over, and then they steal the entire day after. And she is 12. It is only going to get worse as we go into middle school and high school. There will be activities – band, choir, swim team, who knows what – which will take her time. She will become more independent. She will want to spend even less time with her boring parents.

This is her last year of elementary school. And I have only gotten 3.25 years of elementary school as it is. I want time with my daughter that is not filled with her being mad for no real reason. I want to talk to her without being yelled at or yelling back. I want our weekends.