I was going to post something else today, and this happened…

I was on my way back to my office from a meeting when my cell rang. I answered it. It was from a very nice gentleman at the after school program we are signing SP up for. He wanted to pass on some information to me about needing to contact the district transportation office about her change in bus route after school and to ask some questions about things specifically related to our situation (basically that her CASA wants to be able to visit her at the program).

I got off the phone with him, and my first thought was one of annoyance. You see, I filled out the contact form while C did all the rest of the paperwork for the program. I know very well that my husband is listed as the FIRST contact on it. Also, that he has listed a home phone and a cell phone, while I have listed home, cell and work. And, the other pieces of paperwork turned in with this all have HIS signature. And, he was the one to drop off the paperwork, in person, at the community center today.

Why, I had wanted to ask this very nice man, was I the one they were calling. Was it an assumption that because I was the mother, I would be the one to know these things (or do these things, in the case of contacting district transportation)? Don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom, but C is the primary caregiver. We list him first on these documents for a reason.

So I had in mind a post to put up here asking others if they ever got calls on things because of gender stereotypes- if the moms all got the calls from the schools, and the husbands all got the calls from the car repair, or whatever. And I am still interested in knowing that.

But then another thought occurred to me. I don’t know if this very nice man tried to call the home number or C’s cell first. C has been running errands and doing some work in the basement today. He often doesn’t hear the home phone ring when he’s downstairs, and he is notorious for not taking his cell phone with him when he leaves the house, let alone just goes down to the basement.

Which brings up the question, was I the one making an assumption? Because I got the call (and answered the call), why was I assuming that the program hadn’t tried calling C first? Am I really so caught up in thinking other people operate by stereotypes that I don’t give them the benefit of the doubt? Do I want to be able to complain about being held to stereotypes, just so I can flaunt how we are not stereotypical? To be able to rail against those who would stereotype me?

It may seem like a silly little moment, but it is one of those that makes me think, makes me examine myself and my reactions. I cannot control anyone else. I can only control myself. But if I do not want people to pigeonhole me, to make assumptions just based on a piece of paper that lists me as the mom, or wife, or whatever, then I need to stop making assumptions about them.

It’s a cycle, and I need to do my part in breaking it.