I know this is a personal finance blog, but tonight we’re going to hit on the “personal” much more than usual. In fact, here’s the whole financial connection – kids cost money.

I have been a parent for a whole 23 days now. It’s not a lot of time, and I know it. And I’m starting at a very different point than most people- with a nine year old, who has been through things that no child should ever have to go through. And on some level, still is.

You see, I believe, that from the day of birth, every child deserves a parent who will promise them forever. Sometimes that’s doesn’t happen for a variety of reasons (and not always the parent’s fault), but I still believe that kids deserve to hear, and need to hear, from the adults in their lives, that they will be loved forever. In animal rescue, we talk a lot about finding animals forever homes. I believe children deserve forever homes, too.

And yet, right now, I can’t promise SP forever. I want to make that promise. So does C. She wants to hear it. She wants to know there will be stability in her life. She asks questions about the future, or make comments about hoping she is adopted by time X. And both C and I want to make the promise. But we do not.

Why not? For reasons specific to SP’s life, no one thinks it is in her best interest right now to make the big promises. There is a chance that something will happen that would make it impossible for us to keep that promise. The chances are very small, very small, and yet, she has had enough promised to her broken that we all agree, it is not yet time for us to make them- at least not the big ones, not the ones she most wants to hear.

Being a parent is hard, no matter how or when children come into our lives. I am not trying to say that what we are doing is any more difficult than what my friends who have given birth are doing. On many levels, I think it’s easier. I mean, I have only been a parent for 23 days, but she’s slept through the night from day one, there are no 2am feedings or diapers to change. She can tell me what’s wrong (though she may not chose to), dress and feed herself. Compared to having an infant, I have it easy. But the challenges are different, both for the child, and for the parent.

And right now, my biggest challenge is that three weeks in, I want to promise forever. When she talks about her 16^th birthday, I want to say we will figure it out when the time comes, but I can’t. Because no matter how much she wants to hear it, and no matter how much I want to say it, being promised forever is not what is best for her right now.

That said, it doesn’t stop me from thinking that I really need to figure out these 529 plans and get cracking on a college fund. I’ve only got 9 years to get one in place.