The Conversation. There are so many conversations you need to have when moving relationships from one level to another, it can feel impossible to remember them all. There’s the kid conversation- do you want kids or not, and if so, how many There’s the debt conversation- how much debt do you have? How much or what kind are you comfortable with? The work conversation- what are your ambitions and goals? Do you want to be a stay at home spouse/parent? Do you want to have a stay at home spouse? There are household chore conversations, transportation and living arrangements and so many more depending on your situation. There are so many that I hate to add one to the list, but it’s important. You need to have the pet conversation.

In some cases, this is an easy conversation to have- at least one of you has a pet, so it’s an obvious topic. But even if neither of you have pets at the time, you should probably have the conversation, or at least find out if one (or both) of you wants pets later down the line.

I know it seems like something that can wait until it comes up, but that’s probably a bad plan. Because pets, like kids, cost both money and time. And the money and time commitments can vary greatly. Do you buy your pet from a breeder (thousands of dollars), adopt from a private rescue (hundreds) or get one from the local pound/humane society (under $100)? Do you get a breed that needs a lot of exercise or one that can be a couch potato? How much grooming do they need, and can you do it yourself? Do you get a puppy/kitten or older animal? Do you want to show your pet or compete in agility/obedience/freestyle dance? How well trained do you expect the animal to be? How much of your time are you willing to dedicate to the training? How much money are you willing to dedicate to training? What kind of training methods will you use? How much money are you willing to spend on your pet’s medical needs? Will it matter if it’s a one-time thing, a chronic condition, or end of life care?

It’s a long list of questions, and one that couples and families should have a good handle on, before the moment. Because it matters, it matters a lot.

Big ticket items. C and I have (luckily) been on the same page about pets from the beginning. We were both raised in homes with pets and felt that pets were important household members. We have dogs because he’s allergic to cats. We have faced difficult pet health and financial decisions and always come out of them happy with the decision we made, even when it wasn’t the most financially prudent decision (Moree’s $7k surgery when C was out of work and we were uncertain of continuing unemployment) or the most emotionally satisfying (the decision not to aggressively treat Smokey’s cancer, even though we could afford it).

In the end, we have made the decision we felt was best for our dog. Money has been part of those conversations, though, and we have always understood the financial implications of our decisions.

But, truth be told, vet bills are the low hanging fruit. They are the easy conversation to remember to have. (And one you will hopefully have had before an emergency comes up.) But there are a lot of other ways pets cost us money and time. And you and your partner need to be on the same page.

Little stuff adds up. This last week, we learned that foster dog Howie is experiencing kidney failure. We won’t know the exact situation until we go back in in another month for a second blood test, to find out if a change in diet will cause improvement, if he’ll stay stable or get worse. But while we don’t pay for Howie’s medical bills, we do pay for his food, and renal failure calls for specific food for dogs- prescription only food.

While doing the research into what we needed in a food for Howie, C also came across information that seems to solve one of Junebug’s medical mystery problems. We think we have a solution to her (scary) tummy troubles, but it also requires a special diet.

Our decision has been to make our own dog food. We’re not feeding raw (that wouldn’t work for Howie anyway- too much protein in raw diets, and he needs a low protein diet) but we are cooking and making our own dog food. This will increase our grocery bill, as there’s no way to get around the fact that buying human food for the dogs is going to be more expensive than CostCo kibble.

It also requires an additional time commitment from us. We have to prepare all the ingredients, hopefully in large enough quantities so that we’re not cooking for the dogs more than every week or two. (I kid you not, we bought 40 lbs of yams and 10lbs of apples and carrots this last weekend.) Brown rice takes a long time to cook and is also needed in large quantities (thank goodness for our rice cooker).

We need slightly different combinations of food for Howie and for June and Larry. And, because we can’t get the mix exactly right, we also need to add a multivitamin and salmon oil to their food. And now that we’re feeding them this diet, we’re realizing we need larger bowls for Larry and June and that Howie needs to be fed on a plate.

Make the decision that is right for you. This is a time and money decision. It’s one we have both the time and money to do, so it was not a difficult one for us to make, but that doesn’t meant I would expect anyone else to make the same decision.

What I do hope, though, is that when it comes time to make decisions like this, you and your partner are on the same page, that you’ve had the conversations, and you already know what kind of time and money commitment you are both comfortable with. Because this is an emotional decision as much as it is a financial one, and honestly, no one wants to fight about money.