Checking In: We’re doing okay. Things are moving along, though not always at the pace they should be (or that I think they should be).

 

Current Status: We finish moving everything out of the MIL’s apartment this Saturday. While I don’t want to force C to give up anything, he doesn’t want to, I just don’t know how long we can hold onto a collection of giant bear welcome signs and knick-knacks that we will never use. (And I know, some of the things in our basement are old knick-knacks of mine that will never be used.) But we need to start getting rid of things. Or at least organizing.

We have two really nice bookshelves in the garage, but they are currently holding garage things. I need to figure out how to clear one of them off, and the find space for it in the basement so that I can start getting some of our books out of the upstairs. I think I’d feel like less of a hoarder if I knew where things were and could find what I wanted easily, instead of guessing where in the pile of boxes X might be.

We haven’t yet started probate. We’re still dealing with medical bills (and I’m ranting about it over on message boards).

 

Progress (or not): C is off school this week and next. But other than doing a little cleaning on Monday before our first home study interview, he hasn’t done anything other than play video games (and meet with his advisor for end of quarter evaluations) during the day.

Maybe I’m pushing things, but I really need to get some of these house things done (or at least started) and I don’t think I should have to be present for every single little project.

My desk at home is cleared off, and I am considering a smaller desk so that we could have room for a second bookshelf in our room, which might help some things too.

The office/spare room/my closet is still a disaster, but I am making progress. I actually accidentally overheated our paper shredder and caused it to break, so on Tuesday I went to CostCo and got us a bigger and better one.

I have no idea, if J stays living with us, what we’re going to do for closet space once our child needs his/her own. For now, my stuff can remain in the future child’s room, but there really, really isn’t enough room in a single closet for all of mine and C’s clothes, even with our captain’s bed drawers. Maybe I just need to do a major cull of clothes again, and this time get C to go through his.

 

It’s (not) All About Me: I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I’m rant-y, and I feel like nothing is getting done if I don’t do it. It’s a miracle I haven’t had a shingles outbreak yet.

BUT, and this really is a big but, I didn’t just lose my mother. I have to remember that. C doesn’t have either parent anymore. I still have 3 of my 4. C doesn’t have any grandparents left. I still have 1 of 4. I am incredibly lucky, and I know it.

I need to let him grieve in his way, and I need to chill, which isn’t exactly easy for me. I like having plans and steps to check off along the path. I like moving in a quick and orderly fashion from one step to the next. Life doesn’t always let us do that.

For my own sake, for the sake of my husband, and the sake of our marriage, I need to step back and relax, and just let things be, at least for a little while.

(So naturally that means I’m contemplating a new project to direct all this energy I have toward, instead of directing it toward the projects I need to do at home.)