There’s a new study out now that says in 40% of homes where there are children, the wife is the primary breadwinner. According to some pundits, this apparently signals the end of the world as we know it. It will destroy marriage and families and is responsible for the downfall of this country. (Or something along those lines.)

Since we added SP to our family one month ago, we are now one of those 40%. I am the breadwinner wife. And this is my confession.

I LIKE being the breadwinner. It’s probably more than that. A good portion of my identity (perhaps too much) is tied up in being good at what I do. The one time in our lives that C started to make more money than me, I decided I was underpaid and went out and found a better, higher paying job. We have known from the earliest days of our relationship that I would likely be the primary earner. And truth is, I like it that way.

When C lost his job in 2009, it was hard- it always is going from two incomes to one. But I was the primary earner, so with unemployment, we were okay. And then I got an even better paying job, and we were more than okay. In fact, we got to the point where C was able to stop looking for work and go back to school full time- with us cash flowing the process.

Of course, I have recently lost my job due to a lay off. I have a nice severance package and am able to take the time to find the right next job, instead of the next next job. And coinciding with that, SP came into our lives.

One month in, and I love being a mom. I want to be very clear about this. We have a child because I wanted a child, because I could not picture living my life and never being a mom. And I am very much enjoying this time I have to go with C to drop her off and pick her up from school almost every day.

At the same time, I am actively job hunting. I hope to start a new position before her summer vacation is over. Because that is who I am. C will be the primary caregiver. I will be the primary earner. I will continue moving my career forward and taking the step necessary to do so. I may be a mom, but I have no intention of going on a “mommy track”.

Do I think this is going to harm my family? Do I think that I am somehow going to ruin my daughter’s childhood by being a working mom? By being a mom who not only out earns dad, but a mom who is the only earner in the family, who leaves dad to take care of taking care of the kids?

Absolutely not. In fact, I feel like I am setting a great example for my daughter. Letting her know that women can (and should) be and do whatever they want to do in their lives. And that men can (and should) be and do whatever they want to do in their lives. That within our families, we sometimes make choices because of what is best for the family, but that when families truly love each other, they find a way to make it work where everyone is able to be and do what it is they want to do with their lives.

I am a breadwinner wife. I am a breadwinner mother. And I do not want to be anything else. I love being a mom. I love seeing that little face smiling up at me and I adore spending time with SP. But I cannot be anything other than who I am. So I am going to work. I am going to be the primary breadwinner. Because that is what I WANT to do.