Pets Are a Commitment, Not a Reward

One of the things about adopting an older child is that they come into your life with behaviors and attitudes that you may not agree with. I am not talking about big things, therapy level things or even religious beliefs, but the little pieces, so little it never occurred to you to think about them until you were confronted with them.
The other day, C promised SP a reward for doing something. The something was important, so he promised her she could have/do anything she wanted, within reason. His outside of reason example was- you’re not getting a pony. Instead she asked for a rabbit.
Let’s set aside for the moment the fact that a rabbit with June and Larry would be a bad idea, a very bad idea. Neither C nor I want to have to be the person to explain to SP that her sweet and loving Junebug killed her bunny, but that’s not really the issue.
Even if a rabbit were a viable idea (and if it were, we’d so have a bunny), neither C nor I would ever offer one as a gift or a reward, because in our minds, pets aren’t presents, they are commitments.
It’s funny, because I don’t think I ever asked for an animal as a pet. If my parents had offered me a horse as a combo birthday/Christmas present, I would have sworn up and down that I never needed another gift in my life. And I’m pretty certain our second cat, Pooh, came home right around Christmas time (but I was 3 or 4, so perhaps we shouldn’t quote me on that). But my parents’ attitudes surrounding our pets, that they were family members, was just so ingrained in me, that I don’t think I ever would have considered asking for an animal as a gift.
C told SP that living creatures were not rewards or gifts. Instead, they went to the water park for a couple of hours. (We have season passes.) But his relating of the conversation got me to thinking about how we show our beliefs about pets, about the fact that they are not gifts or rewards, without lecturing.
I will not promise that a pet will never come into our lives around Christmas or a birthday, because one never knows how the timing will work out. But I want my daughter to understand that timing or no, pets are life long commitments. They are not a reward for doing good once, they are a promise to do good (or at least take care of them) for years.
It does not help that her friends down the street have a new kitten- a soft, tiny, cuddly kitten that the friends (SP’s age and younger) don’t actually have to take care of. They are still young enough that the kitten is mom and dad’s responsibility, so SP is only seeing the cuddling/playing side. And so she wants a pet of her own- one she picks out, not one that was already a member of our family when she came along.
The “problem” with this is that June and Larry should both be with us for another roughly 10 years, which is about how long SP will be with us before she moves out on her own. So we are not likely to have the experience of her getting “her own” pet, at least not while she lives at home.
And that makes it even more important to me to make sure we teach her that pets are not gifts, rewards, or last minute decisions.

On a completely different note, I am doing a giveaway over on my personal finance blog. Check out Sunday Evening Post #104 for details and to enter to win.