Learning from Regrets

November is a difficult month for me. On November 7, 2009, we unexpectedly lost our Moree dog. He had been our emergency dog from day one, but had pulled through everything else just fine. We had seen him the night before, after his surgery, and he was his usual loving self to us, while trying to bite the vet when he was picked up. The call that he was crashing was unexpected, and by the time we got to the office, he had lost consciousness.

Thinking about his last hours, when he was in a kennel, surrounded by people he didn’t know, still makes me cry. My biggest regret is that in his last 16 hours of life, he didn’t see us.

But I can not change what was. The call that morning was that he was recovering fine. We were expecting to bring him home that afternoon. We made our decisions based on the information we had then.

And while there is nothing I can do to change that final regret, regrets C and I had about our dogs’ lives have actually made us better pet parents as we have moved on. As in all things, we have learned and grown.

With Moree, we regretted that he didn’t get more walks. So we took Smokey and June on long walks nearly every day- until we got Smokey’s diagnosis of hemangiosarcoma. After that, it was just short walks to the end of the street and back, nothing strenuous.

And after Smokey passed, we wished we’d been able to take him on one more dog park outing, gotten to see him run freely one last time. When we added Larry to the family, went to the dog park nearly every day. We still go 3-4 times a week. We don’t do as many walks as we used to (and we need to change that), but we get out and enjoy our dogs’ energy and excitement so much more than we used to.

We were not then, nor are we now, perfect pet parents. We will always be making mistakes and learning. But we’re doing our best to cut down on regrets, to cherish our dogs for who they are and what they bring to our family, to not take the easy way out when they are being little pains.

I will forever and always miss my boys, but I will also always be grateful to them for the love and companionship they brought to our lives and what they taught us about who we wanted to be as pet parents.

g2-181676a647fc89e55aedc3f4eed1e54c says:

November 13, 2012 at 11:20 am

I would so much like to have all of my pets from the past back to be with me. But the best i can do is to love my present guys.

ErinShanendoah says:

November 15, 2012 at 7:47 am

I know that I wouldn't have Junebug if we hadn't lost Moree when we did. I woudln't trade one of my current dogs for one of the previous ones, but I would, very much, like to have them all with me (and, of course, the space to have them all…)

jan says:

November 13, 2012 at 11:21 am

I don't know why my "name" looks so weird. Trying again

Kristine says:

November 13, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Perfection is impossible. All we can do is our best in the circumstances we are given. I have no doubt Moree had a wonderful life with you, it's just not fair it had to end. It sounds like you are honouring his memory in the best way possible.

ErinShanendoah says:

November 15, 2012 at 7:50 am

Thank you, No, it definitely wasn't fair. Moree was a few months short of 10 years old. I was supposed to have him for 15 or 16 years.
But yes, the best we can do is learn from the past and try to do better. He will always be our first baby.

bringingupbella says:

November 13, 2012 at 1:24 pm

I am so sorry for your pain. Like you, though, I believe that the regrets I have for past dogs drives me to be a better pet parent to the current dog. We are always learning. And like Kristine says, you honor your previous dogs by doing so.

ErinShanendoah says:

November 15, 2012 at 7:56 am

Thank you. It's like relationships. We learn what went wrong in the last one and do our best to not make the same mistakes again. We often make new and different mistakes, but with any luck, we're not repeating, and always learning.
On some level, our pets mark the stages we are in our lives. Moree and Smokey were the dogs of mine and C's early relationship. June and Larry will be the dogs of our kid's childhood. We move forward.
But we don't forget the past or our past loves.

Pamela says:

November 15, 2012 at 9:47 am

I doubt there's anyone who has no regrets about the end of their animal's lives. I'm so sorry that you still miss Moree but how wonderful that you were in each other's lives.

I later found out that while I was on the phone arranging to visit my dog Christie at the vet hospital, the reason the doctor was called away was because my dog had gone into cardiac arrest. I was so upset that she was not allowed to pass in peace instead of going through heroic medical procedures for just a few more hours in the hospital.

I have learned from the experience. But it doesn't lessen the hurt.

ErinShanendoah says:

November 15, 2012 at 10:20 am

That's probably true. It took my father close to 30 years to get another dog after our German Shepherd died, and he and my mom both have slightly different memories of how his last trip to the vet went, based on their own regrets, I'm certain.

I am glad they did not try any heroic measures for Moree- like reopening the surgery site. Instead, they put him on oxygen and just waited for us to get there.

And I will say, as much as it sucked to go through something similar only 16 months later, we were certainly better prepared to handle our own reactions and to judge our wants against Smokey's quality of life when we found ourself back to making the end of life decision. (It also helped in dealing with the same kinds of questions currounding the MIL before she passed, believe it or not.)