Making myself write in order to make myself want to write

When I am busy, I crave time to write. I consciously carve out that time and protect it jealously. And when I do write, I am productive. While working, I was able to maintain three to four blogs, one of them updated daily, two others 2-3 times a week, and the fourth (this one) updated when I felt like it. In addition, I worked on my fiction, generally about once every two weeks in my time before critique group. I valued that time for my creativity, my expression, and made sure I could get that done. And my creative juices flowed.

I have been out of work since January. This blog has not been updated since September (though again, it was never on a regular schedule). My pet and personal finance blogs have been neglected. I am on complete hiatus from my 100 words a day blog. And as for my fiction, I have barely touched it. This despite the fact that I now have time, actual time, not a few stolen moments, to write.

I guess this is related to the same part of my brain that makes me a procrastinator. My brain works best when I have a deadline, when time is short. It fuels the adrenaline, which in turn gives me the creative energy I need to put words on paper. It creates the conundrum that when I have no time to write, I have so much I want to say. And when I have all the time I could ask for, I feel strangely silent.

This does not make me happy. I love writing. Writing makes me happy, whether it is fiction or blog posts. I always feel better when I have written something, anything. And so, I am trying to make myself change. I am trying to set myself a schedule, and that schedule will include writing time. It will not matter to me what I write, just that I write.

I am hoping that making a schedule will help me find the creative energy to write, and that writing will make me feel more productive and add to my desire to have a schedule and get things done. It is a circle that should feed itself.

And with any luck, I’ll get a job soon, too.

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