Grateful

Every once in a while, you’re grateful for things that you wouldn’t normally be. In my case it was that I have not one, but two unemployed people living in my home.  Once we got Smokey’s diagnosis, we couldn’t bear to leave him without human companionship. I honestly don’t know what we would have done had C been working.

As it was, for the few times he and I did both have to be out, our wonderful roommate was able to be with both dogs and keep an eye on them.

You may think this is silly, but I honestly wasn’t even willing to take a shower unless someone else was home. I didn’t want Smokey to be without someone to keep an eye on him, give him pets and tell him he was loved, even for 15 minutes.

And in that sense, I am also probably grateful that when things started going down hill, they went fast. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted another month or two or million with Smokey, but living in that kind of emotional limbo is exhausting. He started coughing a little Saturday night. Sunday he stopped eating anything he wasn’t hand fed. Monday night, we could feel the fluid in his lungs, see that simply walking to the side yard exhausted him.

Making the decision was devastating. It always will be. But I am grateful that he did not really suffer, that he was still able to wag his tail for a treat, and that we were beside him, telling him he was loved right up until the very end.