When It’s Time to Say Goodbye

Let me start by saying that we are not saying goodbye to anyone in the Life by Pets household. This post is triggered by a conversation I had at work yesterday. One of my coworkers had a 16 year old Dachshund. Over the weekend, she and her husband decided it was time. I don’t know any of the specifics, but at 16, it’s pretty understandable.

She mentioned that her husband was going to come home at lunch and take the dog in. She was not going to be there. This stunned me- not that I said anything, but stunned me none the less.

I know this woman. I know exactly how much she has doted on that dog. She loved him unconditionally. But she was fine, relieved even, not to have to be there when he passed.

Everyone is different. Everyone reacts to grief and loss in different ways. If this is what she needs to do to get through this difficult time, I can’t really blame her.

And yet, I’ll be honest, one of the few comforts there were about Moree’s and Smokey’s passing were that the last things they heard were our voices, not just C’s, not just mine, but both of ours. That the last things they felt were our hands in their fur. All of my regrets about Moree’s death have to do with the fact that his last conscious moments were not spent with us.

I absolutely cannot imagine not having been there. I also can’t imagine making C go through that alone, or having to do it on my own.

But that begs the question- did I want to be there for my dogs, or did I need to be there for myself. Did I need the sense of closure?

All of the pets we lost when I was a child, I had no say. I wasn’t there. I fact, I never got to say goodbye to any of them. My parents never told us when they were going to take the pets in. With one cat, my mom didn’t even tell my brother and I when it happened. I did not know until I asked. (It was not rare to go a couple days without seeing one of our cats.)

Even the cat I had in high school, I did not have a chance to say goodbye to. (She was killed by a pack of dogs- so no one actually got the chance.)

Maybe those formative experiences are why it is so important to me to be there at the end. I do not believe I love my pets more than my coworker loved her little Dachshund, but I cannot imagine making the decision she did.

What about you? Do you need to be there in those last moments? Or are you fine saying your goodbyes at another time, and letting someone else who loves the pet take them to the vet? Have you ever been the person that had to take the pet alone, while your partner did something else?