The rape culture of the 1980s, explained by Sixteen Candles<\/a>. The story is written especially in relation to the Kavanaugh hearings, and how people (women\/girls) could keep going to parties where they knew other women (girls) were being raped. Because we, as a society, did not really recognize what was happening as \u201crape\u201d.<\/p>\nAnd it was not just Sixteen Candles. Jake Ryan never really did it for me, but John Cusack, now that was my crush. But going back to watch just about every John Cusack movie now, I cringe. John Cusack is a teen stalker. He is the boy who will not go away.<\/p>\n
As teenagers, we cheered for him. The movie was told from his perspective, and we all knew what a great guy he was, and we wanted him to get the girl. He DESERVED to \u201cget the girl\u201d.\u00a0 (Even the phrasing bothers me now \u2013 the girl was always only a prize, something the boy deserved\/earned, not someone who was making decisions about her own life, her own future, with her own autonomy.)<\/p>\n
And one of the problems with that is, in every young man\u2019s mind, he was John Cusack. He was the good guy who DESERVED to get the girl. No matter how many times she said no, no matter how nicely or meanly she said she was not interested, he was a good guy. And he deserved her. And if he just stuck around long enough, he would win.<\/p>\n
But you see, I was a young woman. And outside the movie theater, I saw the world from my perspective. The \u201cgood guy\u201d who would not take \u201cno\u201d for an answer was just creepy. The guy you liked well enough as a friend, but as nothing more than a friend, well, he was certain he was really your Prince Charming, and he just had to stick around long enough to prove it to you.<\/p>\n
And let me be clear, often times, these really were overall decent young men. But they did not understand \u201cno\u201d. I remember very clearly a young man, who was, by all accounts, a good guy, who I stopped willing to be \u201calone\u201d with in the student union. There was a couch where our group of friends hung out between classes, where we would all meet. It was right inside a set of main doors, right next to the arcade. It was not an isolated or lonely spot, people walked by all the time. But I stopped being willing to be at that couch when that young man was there if no one else was. Because he did not understand that it was possible for a girl to think he was an okay guy, an actual good guy, and NOT want to date him, if he wanted to date her. I ended up calling a friend who was going to college out of state and asking him if I could tell people he and I were dating, just to get this other young man to leave me alone. Because my own \u201cno\u201d, my own autonomy, was not a strong enough reason. I had to be saying \u201cyes\u201d to another man before he would respect my \u201cno\u201d.<\/p>\n
And let me tell you, as the person living through this, as the person trying to be nice, but not too nice so as not to lead him on, etc, that was NOT funny. It was not a romantic comedy.<\/p>\n
And let me be clear, this was also not every guy I knew. I was a flirt, and a geek girl. I knew a lot of geek\/nerdy guys who were not used to having girls\/women interested in the same things as them. There were a few guys who I flirted with, who were interested in dating me, who I was not interested in dating. And they got it. They took my \u201cno\u201d as an answer. And guess what, we\u2019re still friends. (At least on Facebook, given that we live in different states now.) So it absolutely was possible, even in the 1990s, for guys to respect no. But not all of them did, even \u201cgood\u201d guys.<\/p>\n
The problem is, we still seem to find lacking respect of someone\u2019s \u201cno\u201d to be funny, to be comedy gold. Rape culture is about more than men not accepting a woman\u2019s \u201cno\u201d when she give it. It is about one person not accepting any other person\u2019s \u201cno\u201d. And yet, some people still find that funny.<\/p>\n